Friend For Rent

We have new friends across the street. They don't know that they are my friends yet, but soon enough, they will know it. A young couple has moved into the house across the street. They drive 4 door vehicles. They don't come out of their house. They moved in during Memorial Day weekend. They must have jobs because they bought a house. This is all I know about my new friends. I plan on going over to meet them, bringing a basket of goodies. I hope they don't decide to move out because the kids on our street are so annoying. But back to the point here...

This is the first potential friendship in Worcester that I can see. I'd like to meet them and become friends. I envision myself text messaging the girl and asking if she wants to watch Glee at my house tonight. If she wants to have some wine out on the porch and Matt will light us a fire. 

I'm really not sure if I can do this. Not that it's actually a reality yet, but I am trying to imagine it. I'm trying to picture not driving down River St., not passing signs for Harvard Square. It would really mean leaving Boston for me. I've been connected to that city since I was 19 years old and sometimes it is the only place that feels like home. I certainly don't feel home at my parents' house. The actual structure of my house feels like home, but nothing about the surroundings. I love how I can get lost all day in Cambridge and I'm never truly lost. For one, I can always give Tracy a quick call to set me right, but more often than not I find my own way just fine. I know how to get around Somerville, Brighton, Cambridge and enough of Brookline. I can go to the airport and back without any problems. For me, all of this is monumental. I wouldn't even get on the city bus and go a few stops until I'd been living in the city for 2 years. I was afraid to walk places and whenever I got lost I'd immediately burst into tears. I absolutely LOVE being able to get around and know where I'm going. I think its less about not being lost and more about having a sense of belonging and ownership. Such a comfort. 

I'm sure someday I'll have that sense here. Maybe it would even be hard to leave one day. It's really all about the people I meet. It's not that I can find my way around Brighton with ease, it's that down every main street is a memory. Every short cut I know is one I learned on a drive with someone who meant something to me. It's the same in every town I know. I drive every road in Worcester sitting alongside Matt or by myself. He is plenty for me, but he isn't enough. Girlfriends are so valuable. I miss the talking, the singing along to girly songs, the long conversations over a restaurant table. I miss the opportunity to sit on a couch and share a laugh over the way someone shouted out directions in the car last time we road tripped it, over the funny face someone made just then, over the ridiculous comment. I miss being able to call a girlfriend and say, "What are you doing right now? Let's....." I miss having the chance to change my plans and say to myself, "Watching sports is not what I'm doing tonight." And then a simple phone call fixes that situation. I miss being with someone that isn't essential to my life plan so that I can discuss and analyze my life's plans with them. I just miss having girlfriends. I knew I'd see everyone less when I moved out here. I knew it would be a new kind of lonely for me. It doesn't get easier though. In some way, it becomes more difficult to settle into living with Matt, into this house and have no existence of that other part of my life. 

When everything is finally so settled and sweet, it almost feels wrong to miss anyone. But I do. I look forward to the day when I know some people here and I have another group of people that I couldn't imagine leaving. Just as I have now in Cambridge. Difficult as it may be when the time comes, it makes it worth it to have people so important you don't want to let go of them.